Hot Tips

Tips for Visiting Mom in the Assisted Living Facility

Many of us are caregivers for elderly and ailing parents.  If your parent is living in a nearby assisted living facility and often doesn’t remember your name, I recommend certain actions to make the visit more enjoyable:   Play soft music while driving over for a visit.  Sit in the car and meditate before going inside.  Enjoy the time you have with your parent(s), and be prepared to hear the same story 50 times.  (Remember, you may be the same way in 20 years.)  Finally, after returning home, open a bottle of Simi Cabernet Sauvignon from Alexander Valley.  The 2007 release is available for about $20, and for $18 at Albertsons if you have a preferred customer card.  Sip a few glasses and everything will be OK.

Thoughts on Menopause:  It Sucks

It’s just a crying shame that you could live to be 100 but only twenty of those years come with youthful vigor, shiny hair, smooth skin, multiple orgasms, and a flat stomach. While it is better than dying too young, living past forty often comes with unpleasant and bewildering challenges….

For the most part, every single symptom of menopause is caused by one reason, and one reason alone: hor-mones. It seems that your body makes several different kinds of hormones that love to cavort through your body and play havoc with your sanity. Two major players are called estrogen and progesterone. In medical terms, estrogen is produced in your ovaries and acts as a chemical commander in chief, telling your female body what to do. In not-so-medical terms, imagine a teeny tyrant running through your brain yelling, “Grow pubic hair now!” “Ovulate from the left ovary!” or “Make that boob bigger than the other one!” As with most power-hungry rascals, estrogen likes to change the rules every now and then just to confuse you.

As perimenopause begins, your ovaries are tired of taking orders, so they decide to reduce the production of estrogen. “Attention All Sectors. Estrogen is leaving the body. Farewell party at noon in the pituitary gland.” Then all hell breaks loose and you start to experience symptoms of perimenopause. The fact that you live through this chaos is definite proof of your magnificence. A lesser species would have become extinct millions of years ago.

It’s a rather cruel trick of nature that you could be raising teenagers and caring for aging parents while your Generalissimo Estrogen is barking orders at your female parts, your Busy Bee Progesterones are frantically fixing up the uterus for the Sperm and Egg Combo, and your Naughty Testosterone is working your libido like a tigress in heat.

(excerpts from Menopause Sucks)